matturday:

so I ended my english presentation with “these fatal flaws brought macbeth to his macdeath” and at least 60% of the class groaned

disneyprincest:

i hate when you voluntarily tell your parents some information about your life because you think you can trust them and then they bitch at you for it like congrats you have guaranteed that i will never tell you anything ever again 

g0ne-blotto:

since gay people call themselves flaming homosexuals can pansexual people call themselves frying pansexuals because not only is it like flaming homosexuals but we also have the benefit of a play on words

darrynek:

why does it seem like every dad sneezes really loud

lindsaychrist:

ive been fired from taco bell 4 separate times but i keep just showing up for work and they forget

tupacabra:

i feel bad for twins that aren’t equally attractive

barackalicious:

im gonna fuckin cry neil you big fukin softie youre so sweet ugHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

he gave us his old tshirts

he /literally/ gave us the shirts off his back dang

ethicalbutchering:

you know once hannibal gets caught and they all realize he’s a cannibal most people are going to be super traumatized.  but there will be this one person who just starts laughing hysterically because they finally got all of hannibal’s jokes

tablespoons:

those albums that you can listen to straight through without skipping any songs

methleesi:

will graham finally quits the fbi

“this is my resign” 

the stupid yearbook post is at 30k *bring me to life plays in the distance*

shaggydoge:

keptin kirk